Resentment

resentment |riˈzentmənt| noun

         bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly

OK. What we have then are: bitter, indignant, treatment, unfair. Explore each element. Discuss.

Am I bitter? Probably. I still hold that hurt in my heart, in my head. The problem isn’t that I held you responsible for that hurt. It’s that I still do. That I can still draw up my anger and the tears over what happened between us is a testament to that.

Am I indignant? If I said yes to bitter, then yes to this.

Treatment. Important to note if only because it signifies that I feel something has been (or was) done to me. The past tense is significant.

Unfair. Without a doubt, I feel that what happened was unfair to me. That has been acknowledged.

I was about to write that resentment does not remain important if the object of resentment leaves our lives. But I just decided that is not true. The resentment is its legacy. And continues to hurt us even after we have forgotten what caused it in the first place.

The resentment I have towards men stems from the hurt and anger at Peter and Cameron that I never let go of. The resentment I have towards my own weaknesses come from the annoyance and anger I felt towards Ben.

The resentment I have towards you…it is the hurt I felt when you broke up with me with no reason that I could understand. That you could not even explain it to me in a satisfying way. That you did not want to try. The three times we went through it. I have that anger. I have that hurt that I continue to harbor and feed. The fear that it will happen again. The constant anxiety that this could all fall apart. I hold you responsible for it.

I did not fully understand what you meant about “playing the victim”. I am beginning to now. I do not want to take responsibility for this hurt and anger. If I do not take responsibility then I do not have to put the work in to fix it. I can live my life and just blame you.

How do I release us from this resentment? How do I clean this slate?

I have to see that the past can not be changed. The past is in the past and it needs to stay there. Yesterday is set in history. And if I live in yesterday I will never go anywhere.

Is it really that simple?

In theory, yes. In practice, never.

If I can not find a way to do this, then there is no way that you and I can be together. We will never be happy. My behavior and attitude will never allow it. And this is as simple as that.

So, decide. Decide. Decide what you are going to do, Rachele. Are you going to actually let go?

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