maybe it’s selfish. maybe it’s natural. i know it’s wrong and i know it’s petty. but i am envious of the way other women’s significant others treat them. i want to be spoiled. i want to be treasured and loved. i want more than it to be a fact. i want it to be felt. i want it to be obvious. i’m tired. i’m tired of always coming second. you are selfish. you do selfless work, yes. but you are selfish. this will never change if you never challenge your work for my benefit. it is me who must make allowances. it is me who must be accommodating. this is what you want so long as it is convenient for you. so long as i make compromises so that it works. what compromises will you make? there’s never a good time. there’s never a good time. there’s never a good time. tell me: if you were working, doing something important. and i needed you. would you be there? why do i doubt that you will?

do i know what i have to do? after all the despair, all the heartbreak, i have you back in my life. am i really going to give it up? by my own choice? i’m 25 years old. do i deserve to get what i want? you scorn the idea of an ultimatum, but really. don’t you give one all the time? “i won’t tolerate that” i can’t stay if you don’t do better. there.

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