Walk two moons


Let’s say Ben or Camryn.

I guess a small part of me feels bad that I just stopped talking to both of them. And I guess I should; especially since the “relationship” I had with each of them was for a significant length of time.

How did it happen? I just sort of…stopped hanging out and returning texts to Ben. I definitely wasn’t interested anymore. The last real memory I have is of me leaving his house in the middle of the night when I suddenly realized I did not want to be there. That I felt wrong being there. That I just couldn’t stand being there for one minute longer. It was rude. But it was what I wanted. We never had closure on that. The last time we talked it was about something as insignificant as my being in his neighborhood in LA. On Facebook. We’ve both moved on completely. It doesn’t not sit right with me. It doesn’t keep me up at night.

With Camryn. I remember that he asked Pascale if I was getting back together with my ex-boyfriend. She said no. He had seen CL texting me. I don’t remember how we stopped talking. He was never good at returning texts. We lived far from each other. Neither of us put in the effort. We weren’t really committed to making anything work. I guess I feel sort of bad. Bad enough that I wish I had kept in touch. We used to talk periodically when he was overseas. I knew he must have been lonely and homesick and tired and maybe scared. I thought of sending him a care package and never did. I saw a photo of him in the news online in his BDUs crying over a friend’s grave. I have no way of getting in contact with him. And even if I did, I don’t think I would. Again though, it doesn’t keep me up at night.

Maybe I’m just heartless.

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